Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My!

The process of getting dressed began. First the underwear, followed by Chinese long-john pants, then a pair of socks, another pair of long-johns, followed by a pair of big wool socks. Up top I crammed into a Chinese long-john undershirt, a long sleeve shirt, a polar fleece pullover and a down vest. The Chinese long-johns felt like a sausage casing. My legs went into my jeans, my feet into my hiking boots, my jacket on, two polarfleece hats, and a winter jacket. As I pull on my gloves and scarf, my friend Chrissy chimed in an English accent, “Harry Potter is in grave danger!” Every time I put on my yellow and grey striped extra long scarf I am treated to this little ditty. Dressing completed, Harry Potter and his crew of 5 travel mates headed out the door. The only exposed body part was my eyes.

It was beautiful sunny day but the temperature was still -25 degrees C. After five minutes outside, the cold began to creep in through shoes and gloves. The steam from my breath escaped out of the top of my scarf and my already limited field of vision was further reduced by ice crystals forming on my eyelashes. Fifteen minutes later the water on my eyeballs started to freeze. And this is where I began my day.

We walked north to the Flood Control Monument on the bank of the river. The streets were lined with lamp posts carved from ice and there was an ice castle with two small slides. Kids came zipping down the ice slide sitting on little pieces of plywood. Along the river bank was the big kids ice slide – about 300 feet long and 100 feet high that went from the top of the river bank all the way down the to frozen river below. We all paid our fee, received a sled made of straw and tore down the slide. We ended up in the arms of a green army-coated, fur-hat clad attendant who slowed us down, plucked us off the ground and stated, “OK. The fun is complete. Be gone with you”

We wanted to go see tigers. So we used horses. I bargained and bargained for a horse drawn carriage to take us to the Siberian Tiger Preserve despite the words from a Virginian traveler I had met the day before warning me of the unsavory business practices of the carriage drivers. The bargaining session began, the ubiquitous crowd gathered to see Harry Potter bargaining in Chinese, the destination was set, and the carriage obtained for a price agreeable to all. I got in the carriage but one of my travel mates refused. “We can’t put six of us in that carriage. That is cruel to the horse.” Despite my protests that horses have historically pulled a lot heavier things much longer distances I gave in and arranged a second carriage. Everyone was happy and animal cruelty was avoided for the time being. That would change.

Our carriage bounced across the frozen river and we froze inside. Our token German traveler decided to forgo her fur-lined boots for funky European sneakers to protect against blisters. Her feet were frozen instantly. Our horse failed its test ascending a small hill and was whipped roundly by the driver. This sufficiently pissed the horse off and it was able to pour its anger into cresting the hill.

One hour later the drivers stopped in the middle of no where. “OK. We have arrived. Everyone out,” the driver stated.

“What? What are you talking about? Where is the Tiger Park?” I asked.

“Right over there,” he replied, pointing to a barren snow encrusted hillock to our left, “Now how about a little tip for us drivers?”

“Forget it, we have given you enough already,” I told him as one of our group went to recon the hill. Surprisingly, on the other side of the hill was the gate to the Tiger Park.

We double-timed it down the drive way to the Tiger Park and ran into the lodge to defrost. I went to the outdoor urinal. From my careful stratigraphic study, I determined that the drain of the urinal had frozen sometime in mid-December leaving a yellow and white glacial formation descending from the urinal down onto the floor and out the door. I artistically added my own personal touch to this all natural sculpture, giggling like a school boy.

There is some debate on whether or not the Tiger Park is achieving its goal of restoring big game to the Siberian wilds. The park is plenty big and stocked full of tigers, lions, pumas, leopards, and others but whether or not these animals will be ready for the release to the wild is questionable. At the ticket booth, you have the option of buying food to feed to the lions and tigers. The menu of purchasable live animals includes cocks, ducks, pheasants (initially I read this incorrectly and I thought it said “Peasants”) and even a whole live cow. How cool! I really wanted to buy something, but I figured after the cruelty to horse incident, I would never live down buying a peasant and feeding it to a tiger. Luckily some of our Chinese companions had no such qualms.

So we got on a little tour bus to drive through the park. Animals were everywhere – all pacing around right outside of the little bus window. Tigers roamed through the grasses fighting and playing with each other. New born cubs paced around their pen with their mom protecting them from the other animals. We drove from the tiger area to the lion area going through automatic gates and check points. It was all very Jurassic Park. About six African Lions (who, as one of my travel mates pointed out, were probably ecstatic about their new Siberian home) gathered around a tall metal tower. The bus stopped and a man came out climbed the tower and tossed skinned whole chickens to the lions below. Each lion caught a chicken and bounced over to a different area to eat lunch.

The bus moved back into a tiger area and stopped. A 4x4 covered in a cage pulled and stopped right in front of us. 5 tigers immediately appeared and began to circle the truck expectantly. A group of Chinese tourists on our bus had bought live chickens to feed to the tigers and we were about to reap the benefits of their purchase. The driver opened his door and tossed a chicken onto the roof of the truck. The chicken stood on the top of the roof looking around wondering what was going on. From the other side of the truck a tiger put its huge paws on the roof and pulled itself up to have a look. Everyone on the bus stopped breathing as the eyes of the tiger and chicken met. Both their eyes went wide. The chicken swung its head around and looked back at all of us looking at it. You could hear it think “Oh $h!t!” as it leapt from the roof of the truck landing on the ground with its little legs spinning like a cartoon. Another tiger put a quick stop to the great chicken run with one swing of its paw and that was the end of Chicken Number 1. The driver tossed Chicken Number 2 onto the roof. By this time both chicken and tiger knew what was going on and the chicken was in the jaws of a tiger in seconds.

We all left the tiger park amazed –including the animal lovers. Something about seeing nature in action I guess. I bargained with a little man in a little white van to take us for lunch and back to the city center. We hopped in the little van with the little man to head back to the city for an evening of defrosting and refreezing in the ice sculpture park.